Let it snow


The city is covered in snow. I pretend it’s Christmas and I hum “let it snow” while strolling my temporary Manhattan neighborhood in the Upper east side.

I feel excited. Everything is new and fresh to me, and the fact it’s covered in white makes it all the better. I stand in front of a snow covered staircase and just stare at it. I’ve never seen a snow covered staircase, except for in the movies. It’s really amusing when you think about it. People come to New York to see the Statue of Liberty or to shop in Bloomingdale’s, but I get a kick out of stairs with snow on them.

The white coating seem so pure, so fresh, so different than what I’m used to. It’s just perfect, and although it’s quite cold, it’s not so cold as to make me suffer or not enjoy myself. I welcome the cold, I relish it, because it’s a different experience for me and it makes me feel more alive.

But not all is such a poetic experience. The streets are also covered with melting snow, and one has to jump from street corner to street corner in order to avoid them. So I find myself jumping, like the rest of the people. We’re all jumping over the puddles, over the mountains of melting ice, and it bonds us together in a strange way, and it makes me feel like a child again. My feet get a little wet, and it’s not really comfortable, but all I have to do is get into a store and warm myself up.

You see, the stores are shelters, so I find reasons to go inside them. I went into a Barnes and Noble, a huge bookstore with thousands of books on every subject imaginable. People are sitting on the floor, reading, talking about books, or drinking coffee in the lounge. It’s almost like heaven on earth.

I know I should’ve posted some pictures, but I had so many things to buy, including the computer on which I’m writing this post, that i’m trying not to go overboard, and cameras here are more expensive then I thought they would be. Maybe soon I’ll buy one. I’m also trying not to have the word “tourist” plastered all over me. I don’t carry a map, for example. I try to blend in, to act like I belong here, that I know where I’m going, although I have no idea. And it’s more fun this way.

So for now, you’ll just have to imagine. Hey, maybe it’s better this way. 

I like to be outside and see people. there are people everywhere, all kinds of people, talking in many languages. As it happened, my first day here was also St. Patrick’s day, so the streets were filled with loud Irish folk with green hats. It was real fun! Their joy made me happy, and although I’m not Irish to say the least, I wanted to join them in their celebration.

Basically, there’s something exciting about being where nobody knows you. I hear Hebrew on the streets and I get a kick out of the fact that nobody knows where I’m from (until I open my mouth, that is).

Because there are always people on the streets, you really don’t have to sit at home and be alone. Somehow, I don’t feel alone outside, even though I don’t know anyone. It seems to be a city of lonely people grouping together. I don’t see a lot of couples in the street. I don’t see a lot of large groups, except for obvious tourists. But I see a lot of people walking alone, holding their Starbucks cup, talking on the cell, reading a newspaper, and I feel it’s OK to be alone here, that it’s not frowned upon. I went into a matinee show at the local movie house just because I felt like it.  And yes, I was alone, and I didn’t mind. Perhaps it will change, but for now, I’m ok with it.

Yesterday evening I was hungry. I sat for hours in front of the computer, looking for an apartment. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER ALL DAY AGAIN! It was really depressing, so I decided to get out. It was really cold outside, and I could’ve gone down to the store and buy something or order food, but I wanted to go out and eat with other people. I want to experience the city, and eating alone at home in front of the TV isn’t my idea of fun. I know it to well.

So I went out and looked for a pizza place and I found one, and it was perfect. It was nice and cosy and warm, exactly what I was looking for. On the way there, I passed through a small playground with antique looking benches. It was covered in snow from beginning to end, and it was beautiful and quaint. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. I half expected to see Galadriel floating down the steps, radiating light.

And suddenly, I was overjoyed. I don’t think I realized the extent to which my life has been a humdrum affair, how I lacked excitement and beauty, how I let my self die inside, how depressed and zombie-like I was. The wind blew hard, and my throat swelled just looking at this beautiful place in the middle of this great city, and I don’t know exactly why it happened, but this snow… this pristine snow covering everything, purifying everything… It felt like it was also purifying my soul, and the beauty of this little snow garden overwhelmed me.

So I just stood there, and let myself cry a little. 

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7 comments so far

  1. Shel Berman on

    Well, hello.
    I am so happy this moving of the body was translated to a moving of your spirit. I was afraid you will be so overwhemed by technical difficulties and intimadated by the alien urban enviorment that you will not let yourself enjoy it.
    I am so happy I was wrong.
    I think you should hold on to this feeling and cherish it for future use. As time passes, be carefull not to sink into the illusion that this city is a welcoming home as it seems to you now, because it can be disappointing – but for now – the hell with it! relish on this feeling and fuel your soul and charge your artistic batteries. sheer freedom is the intoxicating. ask the bikers.
    p.s.
    ITS A GOOD THING I READ YOUR BLOG SO NOW I KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE. the only way I knew you are okay and called your perants is beacuse they DIDN’T call us the day after, so I assumed everythin’s okay. “titchadesh” on the new computer. When can I sell your old one? (jus’t kidding)

  2. Shel Berman on

    p.s

    Fezik misses you a lot. So are we.

  3. Lior on

    Well, thanks. I’ll sure try. My parents didn’t tell you I called?! I’ll give them on the head.
    By the way, I sent an email to my sisters. Your wife didn’t tell you anything? I guess she doesn’t check her mail.

    Still trying to learn how to work this new laptop. It’s just that I’m so used to a desktop…

    Miss you too.

  4. Dorit on

    Liori,
    You have touched me so much, you have no idea.
    Thank you for being so honest and for sharing all this.
    I remember having felt feelings like that when looking at snow, and feelings like “what the fuck have I been doing all this time, life is so fucking beautiful”.
    And you wrote it so beautifully!
    And congratulations on your computer! It must be exciting using it; – and all on the things you’re experiencing.
    Whatever happens with this trip – looking at it from here, it seems it’s already been so worthwhile!!
    Lots of love,
    Dorit

  5. Tamar on

    Dear brother…
    I haven’t talked to you for more than a week and it’s so strange since I’m used to talking to you almost everday about everything ang nothing. Michal said I can read about what you’re up to on your blog so I did. And here I am writing to you and crying. Crying because I’m so happy that you’re happy and that you are finaly living your dream…and maybe just maybe because I miss you so much.
    you’re the greatest!!!
    take NY by storm!!!

  6. Lior on

    Thanks, everyone. I love you all. You are always on my mind.

  7. Galia on

    finally updating myself with your blog i found this beautiful post and couldn’t let it go without a comment.
    this moment of pure “joy of living”, in front of the snow-capped garden… – so moving, so basic, the very essence of the human experience. i know the feeling and cherish it. doesn’t come very often in everyday life, though… nothing like new places to make it break out. hope you get more of these moments soon.
    good luck with the maple-leaf state!
    galia


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