Inventory


When I go through the final preparations before travelling to the U.S of A (on my Tourist Visa, mind you, after all that work-related fuss), I find it a bit overwhelming. There’s a lot of stuff to do, but sometimes I find myself sitting on the couch and staring at the TV, unable, or unwilling, to do anything. When I think about it, I realize that there really aren’t that many things to do. A few phone calls here, some buying to do there, but not that much.

It’s just that I’ve lived so long inside a cocoon, that the change of pace wears me down.

For the past several years, it was mostly work, home, work, home. I didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t even take a fucking vacation, so this is certainly exciting and scary at the same time. Travelling to other places, plaves where you don’t necessarily know “the rules”, and be an outsider, and all that.

Well, fuck it. I’ve always been an outsider. Maybe it would’ve been even harder if I had dozens of friends, childhood friends, or if I lived in the same town all my life, but that’s not the case. I don’t like being the new kid on the block, but sometimes you don’t have much choice.

I’ve got so accustomed to my little world: My apartment, my TV, my bed, my daily routine, that it seems unthinkable to disturb them like that, make them vanish. I’ve even got accustomed to the cat. It will be very hard to leave her behind. It kind of breaks my heart a little.

I’m a man of habits, whether I like it or not, and habits don’t go hand in hand with big changes. And that’s another thing: I don’t like changes. They make me uncomfortable. I have this constant battle inside me: There’s the guy that wants everything to stay the same because it’s oh-so-comfy and nice and sweet, versus the guy that demands that I get off my ass and stop bitching that I’m miserable and stuck in a rut and try and do something about it. Because bitching is so easy and addictive, while getting up and actually, actively do something about it is so hard.

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1 comment so far

  1. Atalanta on

    Lior, everyone’s afraid of big changes, or of changes in general. It’s the fear that make those who like changes – to like them so much. Adrenalin junkies, etc. I should know 😉
    Don’t you find the routine degenerating?
    Have loads of fun in the US, and don’t let the routine-loving voice get in your way. I always feel more alive when something changes. 😀

    Lior: Thanks, Atalanta, for your sweet, inspiring words. 🙂


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